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The Alchemy of an Empath and a Narcissist

We have all heard of the phrase, "opposites attract", but what are the soul-level implications of such a dynamic?


When we are discovering ourselves, the most potent lens of self-discovery is relationships. My time as a practitioner and holistic counsellor has taught me that the alchemy of two people and the way they relate and express love can be, both the most magical and evolving time, and also the most destructive experience as well.

However, the more we learn about ourselves, the more we can understand our patterns, our authentic nature and what we need to prioritise to keep ourselves well and fulfilled.


I've never been one to attach too strongly to labels, but my life's events of late have caused me to try and understand myself on a whole new level! I try to stay away from any labels as this tends to create attachment to themes that can limit my beliefs and sense of identity too strongly. Having said that, the more I enter the world of personal development, the more I am able to see who I am, mainly through the contrast of what I am not. What I know about self-discovery, is that we can only see from the level of awareness that we currently have. In a few year's time, I will have journeyed through a myriad of other lenses and will see a completely different perspective than what I have now. For the purpose of today's reflections, I am developing a strong conversation around what happens when someone who is very sensitive to another's needs and often feels deeply for other people (aka The Empath), meets and falls in love with someone who is not attuned to the needs of others and can only address their own needs and feelings, or lack thereof (aka The Narcissist).


From a shamanic perspective, our relationships represent our "soul contracts" in this life, where we learn about our karmic lessons, our shadow and light. It is in the eyes of our loved ones that we can experience the depths of love, and see our reflection also. From a soul's perspective, relationships teach us what we need to heal, which isn't always easy to see or pursue. The alchemy of an empathetic person and someone who displays narcissistic traits is a story of contrast. When we learn how different we are from someone we love, we also reveal the parts of us that might be seen for the first time. When an empathetic person is driven, sometimes unconsciously, towards creating peace and comfort in a situation at any cost, they can experience a type of non-identity. This makes it very hard to separate themselves from their loved ones. They often report that they don't know who they truly are, especially when someone around them is unhappy, emotional, distressed or in pain. For a Narcissist, there is often a trauma response towards stubborn selfishness, whereby the needs of others are considered unimportant and completely outside their awareness. There is no right or wrong way to love and act within relationships, however, let this post be about how to honour the individual's needs and find ways to relate to a myriad of different people.


If we limit ourselves to being in relationships with people like ourselves, we miss out on the contrasting lessons that come through self-discovery through potent soul contracts. You see, we are meant to wake up to ourselves by learning what we need to thrive. Even though the pain of heartache, abuse, disharmony and "toxic" relationships can be dismembering, it's through these experiences that we truly see ourselves through the eyes of others. If there was an underlying spiritual lesson in the alchemy of these archetypes, what would it be?

Someone with a strong narcissist archetype can teach an empath about boundaries.

Anyone with a strong empathetic archetype can teach the narcissist about compassion.

An empath might get away without boundaries until the resentment starts to set in. For some, built-up resentment from over-giving can cause disease in the body. A narcissist, without compassion, might find themselves more alone over time, as people lose tolerance for their selfishness. Neither paradigm is right or wrong, but both can teach each other valuable soul lessons in order to grow and prioritise their own needs, whilst nurturing strong relationships.


If you believe that much of our resilience, strength and pleasure in life comes from relationships, then it's time we start investing in people that could grow with compounding interest. This takes vulnerability and communication, but most of all it takes self-responsibility from each individual to learn about themselves and bring their awareness into each relationship. Instead of swearing against the archetypes that have hurt you the most, find freedom in knowing more and more about your own needs and ways to hack into any dysfunctional patterns. Soul contracts from a shamanic perspective represent the agreements made on a soul level in order to evolve in this lifetime. We can peer into the accumulated past life lessons between souls and try to understand more and more about each contract, in order to flow with the lessons rather than against them, even when the experiences are meant to be difficult.


If you're interested in learning about soul contract work, join us for our Shamanic Gathering at the end of this month! I'll be teaching a 2.5 hour workshop on how to understand and create shifts in your relationships with your soul mates in this lifetime.


Thanks for reading! Feel free to like and comment if you're resonating :)

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This has invited much clarity and gratitude towards my relations. Thankyou!

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